Sesame Street - Twin Beaks
Monsterpiece Theater overture, COOKIE MONSTER is seated in a chair wearing a lovely red smoking jacket.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Oh hello, this Alistair Cookie here for Monsterpiece Theater. Tonight another episode in mystery.
About a monster trying to guess a town's secret. A town called ...
A dramatic music piece is played, da-dum.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
... Twin Beaks. Oh, excuse me.
COOKIE MONSTER runs off the stage.
The scene is now a diner, we FOCUS on a booth with a piece of pie on a red-checkered table-cloth. COOKIE MONSTER enters the diner and spies the said pie. Twin Peaks music softly plays in background.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Oh-ho! Pie ... oh-ho.
COOKIE MONSTER speaks into a hand-held mini-tape recorder.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Diane, this Agent Cookie reporting. Me in town called Twin Beaks.
COOKIE MONSTER sits down at the booth with the pie and looks around the diner.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Darn fine town ... (devours the pie) Darn fine pie!
(devours the plate) Darn fine plate too. Diane, there
is one thing me no can find out. Why town called Twin Beaks? Me begin asking questions. Asking
questions best way to find out something.
A WAITRESS, a bird with orange feathers, appears with her back to us.
WAITRESS
-
Anything else I can get you?
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Oh-ho, hello, yes! You can get me some answers.
WAITRESS
-
What was the question?
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Me want to know why town is called Twin Beaks.
Dramatic music plays as the WAITRESS turns to face us. Instead of one beak she has ... two beaks! (The effect is one of having split her beak down the middle.)
WAITRESS
-
Hey I don't bud into your business do I? Stay out of mine!
The WAITRESS quickly walks away.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
That not darn fine answer!
Disappointed, COOKIE MONSTER sighs and then gets out of the booth and walks towards the next table.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Me got to ask more people more questions.
Seated with their backs to us, COOKIE MONSTER speaks to TWO BIRDS at the next table.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Me Special Agent Cookie.
FIRST BIRD
-
I'm Finch, David Finch
COOKIE MONSTER
-
David Finch, good me like bird who know his own name. Me have question. Why this town called
Twin Beaks?
Dramatic music plays. COOKIE MONSTER looks around for the source of the music. With his back to us, DAVID FINCH gets up from the table.
DAVID FINCH
-
I'll see you later.
DAVID FINCH turns to face us and we see that he also has two beaks?!
DAVID FINCH
-
Laura.
DAVID FINCH walks away. The second bird at the table stands up, its LAURA.
LAURA
-
Oh well, gotta fly.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Wait, wait, wait ... you no can give me teensy-tinesy hint?
LAURA
-
(into COOKIE MONSTER'S ear) It's called Twin
Beaks because ...
DAVID FINCH
-
Come on!
LAURA
-
Gotta go!
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Please oh please, please, please ...
LAURA
-
Ask the Log Bird.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
The Log Bird?
DAVID FINCH
-
You coming or what?
LAURA
-
(turns to face us) Yes.
LAURA leaves with DAVID FINCH.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
This town gets stranger and stranger. Okay! Me look for Log Bird. Hmmm ...
COOKIE MONSTER looks around, we PAN to the door as the music builds. The door opens and in walks a small yellowish bird carrying a log.
LOG BIRD
-
Who's looking for me?
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Oh, me, me, me, me. (points at each item as he
says) Log ... Bird ... oh-ho ... Log Bird! Me look for you.
LOG BIRD
-
What's on your mind?
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Me want to ask you one simple question. Why this town called Twin Beaks?
LOG BIRD
-
Let me ask.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
No, no, no, no. Me asking questions that's how me find out things.
LOG BIRD
-
Let me ask my log. Do you know why this town is called Twin Beaks?
The LOG is turned over and the LOG'S face is uncovered.
THE LOG
-
How should I know? I'm a log!
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Ho-ha! A talking log!
The LOG BIRD starts backing COOKIE MONSTER into the diner counter.
LOG BIRD
-
That's right a talking log! A log that doesn't like to be laughed at!
(to the LOG) Come on let's get out of here.
The LOG BIRD leaves as COOKIE MONSTER says ...
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Sorry!
Standing next to an eavesdropping WAITER BIRD wiping up at the counter, COOKIE MONSTER speaks into the mini-tape recorder.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Diane, me hurt a log's feelings today and me no closer to finding out why they call this place
Twin Beaks. But! Me did notice one thing very interesting about the birds in this town. They
all have two beaks!
The WAITER BIRD looks up in shock and quickly leaves.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
But they no like to talk, oh well.
COOKIE MONSTER spots a pie on the counter.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Time for more of this great pie!
COOKIE MONSTER picks up the pie and leaves.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
Let's go Diane.
Monsterpiece Theater sets as COOKIE MONSTER rushes on and sits down.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
And that concludes Twin Beaks. Darn fine story ...
COOKIE MONSTER cocks his head and poses.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
... darn fine actor and ...
COOKIE MONSTER picks up a pie from out of sightline and devours it.
COOKIE MONSTER
-
... darn fine pie. This Alistair Cookie for Monsterpiece Theater.
