Twin Peaks Quotes at Twin Peaks Brewing Co.

"Twenty four hour room service must be one of the premier achievements of modern civilization." -Dale Cooper
"Maybe we'd better just whistle our way past the graveyard." Deputy Hawk
"I hear you're good at what you do; that's good, because normally if a stranger walked into my station talking this kind of crap, he be looking for he teeth two blocks up on Queer Street." -Harry Truman to Albert
"I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to do, gentlemen, so please, why don't you return to your porch rockers and resume whittling." -Albert Rosenfield
"This must be where pies go when they die." -Dale Cooper
"Harry, the last thing I want you to worry while I'm here is some city slicker relieving himself upstream." -Dale Cooper
"Shut your eyes and you'll burst into flames." -Log Lady
"Leo Johnson was shot. Jaques Renault was strangled. The mill burned. Shelley and Pete got smoke inhalation. Catherine and Josie are missing. Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills." -Lucy Moran to a recooperating Coop
"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this." -Dale Cooper
"Margaret-It's always very nice to see you. But if you're going to spit your sticky pitch gum out in the diner, would you please use an ashtray, and not the counter or the booth like you did last time?" -Norma Jennings to the L.L.
"What the hell kind of a two-bit operation are they running out of this treehouse, Cooper? I have seen some slip-shod, backwater burgs, but this place takes the cake." -Albert Rosenfield
"Look at that; Ducks...on a lake!" -Dale Cooper
"Gentlemen, when two separate events occur simultaneously pertaining to the same object of inquiry, we must always pay strict attention." -Dale Cooper
"She's filled with secrets. Where we're from, the birds sing a pretty song and there's always music in the air." -The LMFAP
"I've had enough of uh, morons and halfwits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells, and you, chowderhead yokel, you blithering hayseed, you've had enough of me?" -Albert Rosenfield to Harry
"I do not suffer fools gladly and fools with badges never. I want no interference from this hulking boob, is that clear?" -Albert Rosenfield to Cooper
"Excuse me. Is there something wrong, young, pretty girl?" -Norweigan Translator to Audrey
"Leo needs a new pair of shoes." -Leo Johnson to Bobby & Mike
"This smoke inhalation is a nasty business. I feel like someone taped my lips to the tailpipe of a bus!" -Pete Martell
"I can't understand a word you're saying; you have a thing in your mouth!" -Catherine Martell to a bound & gagged Shelley
"Doc Hayward said you needed familiar stimulants, so we figured, what the hell, kazoos." -Bobby Briggs to drooling Leo
"Ben, as your attorney, your friend, and your brother, I strongly suggest you get a better lawyer." -Jerry Horne
"He is BOB! Eager for fun! He wears a smile. EVERYBODY RUN." -OAM
"This morning, I will practice an extra twenty minutes of yogic discipline, after which the pain is banished to a cul-de-sac in a remote suburb of my conscious mind." -Dale Cooper

"All men in the world should be taken to a desert island and forced to eat sand!" -Lucy Moran

Albert R: "I performed the autopsy on Jacques Renault. Stomach contents revealed, let's see, beer cans, a Maryland license plate, half a bicycle tire, a goat, and a small wooden puppet. Goes by the name of Pinocchio."
Cooper: "You're making a joke!"
Albert: "I like to think of myself as one of the happy generations."
"I do not introduce the log!" -Log Lady
"Listen to me, Lucy Moran, you just listen. When the Tacoma Sperm Bank was looking for donors, naturally I applied. It's my civic duty and I like whales. A routine physical examination revealed that I'm sterile. Sure I thought it meant that I didn't have to take a bath, but the doctors told me the truth. They told me I can't have babies. So what I wanna know now is why are you having one and how?" -Andy Brennan

[*The Classic*]
Cooper: DAMN good coffee, and HOT!
[Great Northern waitress pours Agent Cooper's coffee]
Cooper: Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
[sips, sighs blissfully]
This is--
excuse me--a DAMN fine cup of coffee.
I've had I don't know how many cups of coffee in my life, but this is one of the best.
[Talking into tape recorder]
Cooper: Diane, last night I dreamed I was eating a large, tasteless gumdrop, and awoke to discover I was chewing on one of my foam disposable earplugs. Perhaps I should consider moderating my nighttime coffee consumption.
[Cooper and Harry at Pete & Katherine's house]
Pete: And how do you take your coffee, Agent Cooper?
Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless night.
Pete: Pret-ty black.
[About 2 minutes later, same location]
Pete: There was a fish... in... the percolator!
[Cooper and Harry have strained looks on their faces]
Andy: Styrofoam never dies for as long as you live.
Lucy: It doesn't?

[One of my favorite Peaks moments. Gordon Cole behold Shelley Johnson for the first time as he goes to order some coffee and pie]
Gordon: HOLY SMOKES! WHO IS THAT?
Cooper: Shelly Johnson.
[Gordon motions he didn't here]
Cooper: SHELLY JOHNSON.
Gordon: WHAT A BEAUTY! KINDA REMINDS ME OF THAT STATUE, THE BABE WITHOUT THE ARMS.
Cooper: Venus de Milo.
Gordon: THE NAME WAS MILO, BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT. THAT'S THE KIND OF GIRL THAT MAKES YOU WISH YOU SPOKE A LITTLE FRENCH. 'SCUSE ME COOP WHILE I TRY MY HAND AT A LITTLE COUNTER-ESPARANTO.
Gordon: Good luck, Gordon.
Gordon: HELLO. I WAS WONDERING IF I MIGHT TROUBLE YOU FOR A CUP OF STRONG BLACK COFFEE AND IN THE PROCESS ENGAGE YOU WITH AN ANECDOTE OF NO SMALL AMUSEMENT. THE NAME IS GORDON COLE AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU FROM THE BOOTH. AND .. WELL, SEEING YOUR BEAUTY NOW I FEEL AS THOUGH MY STOMACH IS FILLED WITH A TEAM OF BUMBLEBEES.
Shelly: You don't have to shout. I can hear you.
Gordon: I HEARD THAT. I, I HEARD THAT.
Shelly: Um, do you want anything besides coffee?
Gordon: I HEARD YOU PERFECTLY!
Shelly: And I can hear you, honest.
Gordon: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. You don't understand Miss Johnson. Do you see this? For 20 years I've been asking people to please speak up, but for some weird reason I can hear you clear as a bell. Say something else.
Shelly: Um, um, do you want pie with your coffee?
Gordon: Good Lord, I can hear you perfectly. This is like some sort of miracle. A...a phenomenon.
Log Lady: What's wrong with miracles?
Gordon: WHAT'S THAT?
Log Lady: This cherry pie is a miracle.
Gordon: WOULD YOU PLEASE ASK THE LADY WITH THE LOG TO SPEAK UP.
Shelly: Um, the pie, she was talking about the cherry pie.
Gordon: I heard you again. I heard you again.
Shelly: Would you like some pie?
Gordon: MASSIVE, MASSIVE QUANTITIES AND A GLASS OF WATER, SWEETHEART. MY SOCKS ARE ON FIRE.
Shelly: Do you want some more pie? A whole pie?
Gordon: YES I WOULD MISS JOHNSON. AND A PIECE OF PAPER AND A PENCIL. I PLAN ON WRITING AN EPIC POEM ABOUT THIS GORGEOUS PIE.

Maybe the sun won't go up tommorow if you wash your hair. Think like that and you'll go crazy. -Donna
My husband was a logging man... he met the devil. Fire is the devil, hiding like a coward in the smoke. -Log Lady
Gordon: YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT.
[to Shelly] Acts like he's never seen a kiss before.
Cooper: Uh, Gordon.
Gordon: TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, SONNY. IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hawk: Cooper, you may be fearless in this world, but there are other worlds.
Cooper: Tell me more. Hawk: My people believe that the White Lodge is a place where the spirits that rule man and nature here reside.
Truman: Local legend. Goes way back.
Hawk: There is also a legend of a place called the Black Lodge... the shadow-self of the White Lodge. The legend says that every spirit must pass through there on the way to perfection. There, you will meet your own shadow-self. My people call it The Dweller on the Threshhold.
Cooper: The Dweller on the Threshhold... Hawk: But it is said, if you confront the Black Lodge with imperfect courage, it will utterly annihilate your soul.
Truman: You saw a giant?
Cooper: Yes.
Albert: Any relation to the dwarf?
Truman: So how does chess figure into all this?
Cooper: Because Windom Earle and I played a game every day for three years. He felt that all of life could be found in the patterns and conflicts on the board. (pauses) Because I never beat him. (pauses) Now it's my turn. I'll publish my response in the Twin Peaks Gazette. I don't know what else to do.
Truman: Coop, you're gonna have to give me some more information here.
Cooper: Harry, I've brought some baggage to town I haven't told you about. (sits) Windom Earle was my first partner. Everything I know about the law and the bureau, I owe to him. Four years ago, we drew the assignment of protecting a material witness in a federal crime. She was, uh...very beautiful...very gentle woman. Her name was Caroline. She and I fell in love. One night, I...failed in my vigilance. An attack was made; I wasn't ready. I was wounded and I lost consciousness. (swallows hard) When I came to, she was in my arms, she...she was dead, she'd been stabbed.
Doc Hayward: You're not going anywhere.
Cooper: Doc, when the will is invoked, the recuperative powers of the physical body are simply extraordinary. Just give me a couple of hours to get dressed.
Catherine: Everything here smells like fish.
Pete: Well, you could try washing your socks separately.
THE WORD LINKAGE REMINDS ME OF SAUSAGE. NEVER CARED MUCH FOR THE LINKS, PREFERRED THE PATTIES. BUT BREAKFAST IS A REAL GOOD IDEA. BONZAI. REMEMBER THOSE OLD WORLD WAR II MOVIES? BONZAAIIIII!!!! -Gordon Cole
Don't ruin this too! -Sarah
HARRY, THE BEST CURE I EVER CAME ACROSS FOR A HANGOVER IS RAW MEAT, AND PLENTY OF IT. YA BREAK AN EGG ON IT. ADD IN SOME SALTED ANCHOVIES, TOBASCO AND WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE.
[Harry, again rushes to the bathroom]
IF YOU WANT WE CAN ORDER IT UP FOR YA.
[Cooper and Gordon smile at each other] -Gordon Cole
I had to drink 3 pots of chamomile tea to find that out! Which reminds me--can I be excused, sir? -Hawk
But what I'm trying to make clear is that using a stuffed animal to represent an endangered species as an ecological protest constitutes the supreme incongruity. -Dick
How ya doin' down there? -Senor Droolcup
Truman: I'll make the phone calls. Leland will know how to get a hold of Maddy's family.
Cooper: Harry, don't make any calls. I need twenty-four hours.
Truman: For what?
Cooper: To finish this.
Albert: Cooper.
[Cooper walks over]
An observation. I don't know where this is headed. But the only one with the coordinates for this destination in his hardware is you. Go on whatever vision quest you have to-- stand on the rim of the volcano--stand alone and do your dance. Just find this beast before he takes another bite.
Cooper: God help me, I don't know where to start.
Hawk: You're on the path. You don't need to know where it leads. Just follow.
Doc H.: Is she sexually active?
Ed: Active? Doc, I wake up every morning feeling like I got hit by a timber truck.

Now let me get this straight... your _entire_country_ is _above_ the _timberline_? -Pete to an Icelander

Cooper: Sheriff, what kind of fantastic trees have you got around here? Big, majestic--
Truman: Douglas firs.
Cooper: Douglas firs....

The problems of our entire society are of a sexual nature. -Cooper

Audrey: Friendship is the foundation of any lasting relationship. Cooper: Well, it's nice to be quoted accurately.

Laura, honey, are you upstairs? -Sarah

Jerry? Please kill Leland. -Ben

Audrey: I'm a virgin.
Jack: A what?
Audrey: I want you to make love with me.
Jack: What? Here and now?
Audrey: It's your jet.
Jack: Thank God for that.

Doc: There are techniques that would help us to get to your hidden thoughts.
Major: Those wouldn't work on me.
Cooper: What does your work involve?
Major: That information, as I have told myself many times, is classified. Perhaps there are pieces of information of such importance that conspiracy does not justify their protection.
Major: Is this for my soul? Is this meant (he shakes and starts to wring his hands) for my soul?
Cooper: Please start from the beginning.
Major: Are you familiar with Project Blue Book.
Cooper: The Air Force project that gathered evidence regarding UFOs.
Major: It was officially stopped in 1969. Unofficially, there are some of us who have continued to do work on gathering evidence of sightings in the skies, and in the case of Twin Peaks, below the ground. Have you ever heard of the White Lodge? (Two knocks. The door opens. Two Air Force Sentries. Major Briggs stiffins.)
Sentry: Major Briggs?
Truman: Wait a minute. You can't just come into this station...(Sentry puts hand on gun) and take a friend of mine...
Major: It's OK. I'll be OK.

This must be where pies go when they die. -Cooper

GOT SOME ADVICE FOR YOU, COOP: LET A SMILE BE YOUR UMBRELLA! -Gordon

Cooper: Is that bag smiling?
Doc: Smiling?
Lucy: What's there to smile about?

We forgot the weinies, all beef with the skin on `em. -Pete

Marshmallows?!! Ben, WHERE are those HICKORY STICKS? -Jerry

Quit spittin', man! -Bobby to Leo

Dick: Oh she doth teach the torches to burn bright (Andy sighs) It seems she hangs against the cheek of night.

In another world he might have been a seer or a shaman priest... here he's just a shoe salesman who walks with the shadows. -Coop on the OAM

What he needs right now is both your understanding and a Confederate victory. -Dr. Jacoby

Cooper: Sheriff, what kind of fantastic trees have you got around here? Big, majestic--
Truman: Douglas firs.
Cooper: Douglas firs....

Audrey: Friendship is the foundation of any lasting relationship. Cooper: Well, it's nice to be quoted accurately.

Once stimulated the female will respond in such a way that the skin around her ... Oh My God!

Audrey: I've examined his will Jerry. If my father becomes incapacitated, it all goes to me when I'm old enough. And I am old enough and he is incapacitated. Play it my way either way or the only project you'll be developing is selling baseboard heaters at the local cash-n-carry.
Jerry: What's happened to the man is a tragedy.
Audrey: Yea, Jerry, it's a tragedy.

Irene: Of all the people in the world, the best and the worst are drawn to a dead dog. Most turn away. Only the pure of heart can feel its pain. And somewhere in between the rest of us struggle.
Ernie: I never stole from a church! It was a savings & loan!
Nadine: I think I've gone _blind_ in my left eye!
Harry: What do you recommend for a hangover?
Annie: Teetotaling and prayer.
Cooper: Good answer.
Harry: I'll try some coffee.
Cooper: Sure fire cure for a hangover, Harry. You take a glass of nearly frozen unstrained tomato juice. You plop a couple of oysters in there. You drink it down. Breathe deeply. Next you take a mound, and I mean a mound of sweetbreads. Sautee it in some chestnuts and Canadian Bacon. Finally, biscuits, big biscuits, smothered in gravy. Now here's where it gets tricky. You're gonna need some anchovies.
Harry: Excuse me. [and rushes to the bathroom]
Cooper: That should do it.
Cooper: Jacoby! I didn't figure he had anything to do with this at all. Sometimes, you just get lucky.
Albert: Get a life, punk.
Rusty: Whoa man, I do not appreciate practical jokes.
Secretary at the Great Northern: The Norwegians are leaving! The Norwegians are _leaving_!
Ben: And then, I'm considering a run for the Senate.
[Cooper lies in bed in his room. Catherine is stroking his head. Andy, the Log Lady and the Man From Another Place are sitting around the bed.]
Cooper: Auntie Em!
Cath.: Auntie Em?
Cooper: I must have been dreaming. It was horrible. We were all on Saturday's. Andy you were there. The Log Lady was there. The Man From Another Place was there.
Catherine: Saturday's! That is a bad dream.
All: Ooooh. Announcer: Twin Peaks is back on Thursday nights.
Cooper: Diane, Thursday nights. There's no place like home.